Nordic Larp

Tag: Post-larp Depression

  • 10 Steps for Integrating Transformative Experiences

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    10 Steps for Integrating Transformative Experiences

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    Whether you’ve been through a larp, a work of magic, a psychedelic experience, or all of the above, they all have a huge transformative potential. For all of them, integration roughly works the same way. This list is partly inspired by a course about integrating psychedelic experiences that I followed in 2019.

    What is integration? Integration is the process of absorbing the experience you had and its consequences as a part of your life and yourself. Making it not a separate element but a part of a whole, and acting towards the changes that might be needed for that.

    A lot of what follows might sound like common sense – and well, it kind of is. It’s not done that frequently though. I myself more often than not didn’t follow all of these bits of advice (and not knowing them played a part in that). Read it not as a set of rules, but as guidance. The chronological order is supposed to make sense, but it could also be relevant to go back to some of the tips several times or to explore them in a different order. It doesn’t have to be linear.

    1. Create some archives.

    Write a report of what you’ve been through. Focus on what’s been important for you rather than on getting every detail right. If writing’s not your thing, draw, take pictures, dance or talk and record it.

    Don’t get analytical for now. Just gather material to go back to later.

    This should be done within two days after the experience, and as soon as possible. We forget and/or transform our memories very quickly. It’s like remembering a dream when you get out of bed: if you don’t catch it quick enough, it’ll dissolve into your day – maybe you’ll remember parts of it later, but maybe not. Do not be too afraid to forget things though: you will and it will be okay.

    2. Rest.

    For real. Take time to recover. Get some days off if you can. Eat as healthy as possible for you. Sleep enough.

    If you can, spend some time in nature, move your body in ways that are enjoyable for you.

    If you’ve been shaken, take time to assess if you might have been through a traumatic experience. Seek help if needed.

    Resting also means not getting involved in other things with a transformative potential for a while. If you just keep going, you risk, first, fatigue, second, encountering the same kind of experience and its potential difficulties again, because you didn’t integrate them the first time. As Alan Watts wrote: “When you get the message, hang up the phone”.

    3. Avoid making any big decisions.

    Avoid making big decisions for several weeks or even months, depending on the impact of the experience. Take the time to integrate. If it’s deeply true now, it will still be in two or six months.

    This might include: change of relationship status, moving to another city or country, deciding to become a parent, leaving your job…
    If you’ve been stuck in a situation for a long time and the experience gives you the impulse to get out, it’s understandable if you decide to use it. Still, strive to avoid brutality.

    4. Pay attention to your dreams.

    Pay attention to your dreams in the following days and even weeks. Write them down in the morning, draw them or record yourself telling them. Do you notice any change in patterns, themes, characters or elements that appear? Do you see any links with what you recently experienced? You could find interesting clues there about the ongoing transformations.

    5. Go back to what you experienced physically.

    Were there specific emotions or sensations? Where were they located in your body?

    How did you react to them then? How do you react to them now when you think about them? And if you try to recall, recreate them? Do these sensations trigger or evoke specific memories, or other sensations? Do they call for specific movements or physical practices? If yes, can you try it out? You might need someone else to help you with the physical work, maybe to push or massage some parts of your body. It could also just be a need to be held or hugged. Please ask people close to you or if it’s not an option for you, think about asking a professional.

    6. Meaning’s weaving.

    What were the messages you were given? The themes present during the experience? It’s time to go back to the raw data you collected, to create links, meaning, hypothesis. How can you connect what you experienced with other parts of your life?

    If you have tools you feel at ease with for creating meaning, use them. For example, you could do a tarot spread about what was conveyed by the experience, what you need to learn, and so on.

    If this was a shared experience – and I guess it will often be the case, especially for larps – it’s a good time to exchange with people who lived it with you. Do you have something specific you wanna tell them? What was different and what was similar for them? How do you all feel about what you shared? Does it have a specific meaning for you? Is it the same for the others, or not? Do you need or want to make any change in your relationships after that?

    Creating meaning often leads to creating a story. You will probably tell stories about what you experienced in the future, often in the same way. You might want to stay open to new angles, new ways to approach the experience over time. It’s also important to acknowledge and accept that people who shared the experience with you will all have their stories: expect that they might be quite different from yours, don’t project what you experienced onto others’ experiences.

    7. Look out for parts of you that might want to resist transformation.

    It’s extremely normal to be, at least on some levels, afraid of change. We know what’s there now but not what is to come. There’s safety in knowing, even in uncomfortable situations. Treat the parts of you that could be afraid or want to block the process with respect. You can try to identify them through, to name a few, feelings of uneasiness, closing of the body, or procrastination, and give them a shape in your mind. Try to bring understanding, compassion, rather than brute force to bear on them. What would they need to accept the change you want to bring (or the change that’s already there)? You could try inner dialogues, symbolic acts or emotional reassurance in imagination.

    8. Picture yourself in one year.

    Set a time to do this, maybe 30 minutes, maybe more, dedicated to the question. How do you want this experience to have affected your life in one year? How are you different? What did you do during the year to reach that place? What bodily sensations are present? Which emotions? Express it through your preferred medium. If you record it in one way or another, go back to it from time to time during the year.

    9. Which voices do you need at the moment?

    Find out which artists, writers, thinkers, influencers et cetera could help you move forward, could bring more food for thoughts, or could echo your experience. Get inspired. See how you’re – hopefully – not alone.

    10. Time for action.

    What can you do to go in the direction of the transformation that the experience pointed towards?

    Pick one action you can do in the two following weeks.

    Is there one small promise to yourself you could follow every day from now on?

    This could also be the time to express yourself, whether by creating art, writing a testimony to share, and so on. If you didn’t find any echo in the step #9, this might be especially important. You could be the voice some other people need.

    Cover photo: Image by Activedia on Pixabay.

    This article is published in the companion book Book of Magic: Vibrant Fragments of Larp Practices and is published here with permission. Please cite this text as:

    Teteau-Surel, Leïla. “10 Steps for Integrating Transformative Experiences.” In Book of Magic: Vibrant Fragments of Larp Practices, edited by Kari Kvittingen Djukastein, Marcus Irgens, Nadja Lipsyc, and Lars Kristian Løveng Sunde. Oslo, Norway: Knutepunkt, 2021.

  • Post-larp Depression

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    Post-larp Depression

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    This text was originally featured in Analog Game Studies: http://analoggamestudies.org/2014/08/post-larp-depression/

    Larp occupies a unique place among analog games, for it demands as much from players’ bodies as it does from their minds. It comes then as no surprise that many players find themselves in the situation of feeling confused, exhausted, and emotionally raw after a larp event.((Eirik Fatland, “Debriefing Intense Larps 101,” The Larpwright, July 23, 2013; Peter Munthe-Kaas, “Post-Larp,” Munthe-Kaas.dk/blog, October 23, 2013; Tobias Bindslet and Pernille Schultz, “De-Fucking,” Playground Magazine 2, 2011, pp.30-33.)) In fact, larpers frequently exhaust themselves in advance through the leisure labor of planning their costumes, character actions, possible outcomes, and interactions. Subsequently, the event itself often features what some would describe as “intense content” – dramatic interpersonal dynamics, improvisational comedy, combat, political struggles, problem solving, etc. Intense content is there by design in order to maximize the emotional impact of the game. The sheer amount of emotional intensity experienced in a short time frame can impact any given larper, regardless of whether or not they found the experience enjoyable.((Fatland; Sarah Lynne Bowman, “Bleed: How Emotions Affect Role-playing Experiences,” Nordic Larp Talks Oslo, 2013.))

    As with any high, the comedown can often feel shocking and depressing.

    According to many larpers, the return to the “real world” can feel deflating. The mind must divest itself from the vivid social reality of the larp, and attempting to communicate with outsiders about the events of game can feel alienating. Petri Lankoski and Simo Järvelä have argued that role-playing immersion and emotional bleed between the character and the player are, in fact, cognitive processes and “natural consequences” of how “the brain works.”((Petri Lankoski and Simo Järvelä, “An Embodied Cognition Approach for Understanding Role-playing,” International Journal of Role-Playing 3, 2012, pp.18-32.))

    The emotional highs of game most likely have a hormonal component; endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin levels shift as the result of game stimuli. As with any high, the comedown can often feel shocking and depressing.

    In-game photo: A former slave grapples with the emotions arising from the arrival of an arrogant slaver in town and a potential slave auction. In-game photo: A former slave grapples with the emotions arising from the arrival of an arrogant slaver in town and a potential slave auction.

    Post-larp depression is a common phenomenon and should not cause players excessive concern. Indeed, participants report similar experiences after attending events at fan conventions, conferences, kink scenes, festivals, and so on.((Beth Dolgner, “Post-Con Depression: Its Symptoms and Treatment,” Beth Dolgner: Writer, Editor, September 4, 2012; Munthe-Kaas.)) The BDSM community in particular has developed strategies for aftercare, referring to the depression participants experience after a scene as “crash” and “drop.”((Gregg Norris, Glossary of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism, Brian Phillippe, 2010.)) Both scholars and practitioners have noted the connection between BDSM and role-playing scenes,((J. Tuomas Harviainen, “Sadomasochist Role-playing as Live Action Role-playing: A Trait-Descriptive Analysis,” International Journal of Role-playing 1, pp.59-70; Hanne Grasmo, “Taking Care” Playground Magazine 2, 2011, pp.28-29.)) indicating that the phenomenological mental processes are probably similar. Mental illness and role-play are not necessarily interrelated,((Fatland.)) but the drop after an intense event may trigger imbalances already in place. This article describes strategies some larpers employ for transitioning between the game to the “real world” and coping with post-larp depression. By mobilizing these diverse techniques, larpers recognize the larp as a non-trivial intervention in their daily emotional lives.

    The drop after an intense event may trigger imbalances already in place.

    One of the most common strategies is to tell war stories and/or hold a debriefing afterwards, both of which constitute a reframing of the larp material. Larpers often process the experiences they had by sharing memories of what transpired in the game with one another. War stories tend to valorize, intellectualize, or make humorous moments that occurred in game, whereas debriefing tends to take emotional content seriously in order to process and move through it.((Fatland; Lizzie Stark, “How to Run a Post-Larp Debrief,” Lizzie Stark.com, December 1, 2013.))

    Both forms of “reframing” are important for larpers, allowing them to validate their experiences in the eyes of others. Storytelling also permits larpers to structure the oft-chaotic experience of a larp, drawing together a cohesive narrative that is easier to master.((Johanna Koljonen, Peter Munthe-Kaas, Bjarke Pedersen, and Jaakko Stenros, “The Great Player Safety Controversy,” Panel at Solmukohta 2012,  Nurmijärvi, Finland, April 13, 2012; Johanna Koljonen, “The Second Great Player Safety Controversy,” Presentation at Knutepunkt 2013, Haraldvangen, Norway, April 19, 2013.))

    War stories can be found anywhere there are larpers. However, those who choose to debrief are perhaps best able to do so in small groups with trusted friends and/or in a structured fashion with a moderator. Some larpers also assign each other debriefing buddies, who promise to contact each other in some fashion later. These debriefing buddies are expected to remain available to each other long-term as they share feelings that come up days, weeks, or months after the larp.((Fatland; Stark.))

    In-game photo: In the zombie survival game Dystopia Rising, a character comforts a couple who just experienced a miscarriage. Such experiences can leave lasting emotional impacts. In-game photo: In the zombie survival game Dystopia Rising, a character comforts a couple who just experienced a miscarriage. Such experiences can leave lasting emotional impacts.

    Adapted from psychotherapy, some larp circles also employ the process of deroling to recover from larpers’ adoption of an alternate persona for long periods of time, which requires a different frame of reference. Regardless of whether a larper’s “real” persona is similar, pleasant and unpleasant in-game memories, thoughts, and emotions persist long after the larp has ended. Such thoughts, emotions, and experiences may bleed-out into one’s daily life.((Markus Montola, “The Positive Negative Experience in Extreme Role-playing.” Proceedings of DiGRA Nordic 2010: Experiencing Games: Games, Play, and Players, 2010; Sarah Lynne Bowman, “Social Conflict in Role-playing Communities: An Exploratory Qualitative Study,” International Journal of Role-Playing 4, 2013, pp.17-18.))

    Some larpers thus perform de-roling rituals to avoid problematic forms of bleed. These de-roling rituals vary in activity and scope, but include: taking off a piece of one’s character’s costume and placing it in a circle, saying goodbye to the character for a time;((Stark.)) thinking of one or more aspects of one’s character that one admires and “taking” it with them; thinking of one or more aspects of one’s character one dislikes and wishes to leave behind;((Munthe-Kaas; Sarah Lynne Bowman, ed. The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US Run): Documenting a Larp Project about Gender, Motherhood and Values, Copenhagen, Denmark: Rollespilsakademiet, 2012.))

    speaking about one’s character in the third person during war stories or debriefing to emphasize a sense of distance;((Stark.)) and making sure to interact with all the people from a larp both in-character and out-of-character to emphasize the distinction.((Stark.))

    Socializing with one’s fellow larpers actually tends to increase the feelings of emotional safety in the larp space

    Other larpers forego the angst and throw a party instead. Oftentimes, relaxing pre- and post-game social events unaffiliated with the game fiction help players connect with one another and relieve post-game depression. These social events include MeetUps, “afters,” dinners, parties, coffee dates, online discussions, etc.((Fatland; Bowman, “Social Conflict,” p.19; Stark.))

    Socializing with one’s fellow larpers actually tends to increase the feelings of emotional safety in the larp space, so that players get to know one another well and can better distinguish between in-game and out-of-game actions. Also, interacting in new contexts tends to deepen bonds of friendship that already get forged at the game. Social events give larpers the space to have conversations with one another that might not otherwise take place, working through conflict and increasing trust.

    Some players further emphasize nurturing their physical and emotional well-being after a larp, taking care of mind and body. They insist upon players sleeping, eating, bathing well, and not pushing themselves too hard. Human touch is also said to be helpful, if one feels comfortable with hugs.((Fatland; Bowman, “Social Conflict,” p.19.))

    Return to the everyday. Photo by Ali Edwards CC BY-NC-ND. Return to the everyday. Photo by Ali Edwards CC BY-NC-ND.

    Depending on the intensity of the larp, sometimes people can take days to recover. For the mind, some players find it helpful to write about their experiences after events. Players may share these memories or keep them private. The mere act of committing events to paper helps individuals externalize and order their experiences in a meaningful way.((Fatland)) Players may also seek to simply distract themselves, moving from one immersive activity to another: watching a few episodes of a television show, reading a book, playing another role-playing game, and so forth. Transporting the frame of reference from one to another may smooth the transition for some players.

    Lastly, one effective strategy to ease the transition back to the mundane world is the act of showing gratitude to the other larpers and the organizers themselves. This act of storytelling can boost morale. It dignifies the presence of all involved, and lets everyone know that they mutually enhanced each other’s experience. The organizers in particular expend a great deal of time and energy to create a fulfilling experience, and players who acknowledge that effort may find the overall experience of returning to life less deflating.

    Not all players experience post-larp depression, however. Some fluidly transition back to their daily lives. Other participants have noted an inverse phenomenon called “post-larp charisma,” in which players are fueled with an abundance of creative energy.((Fatland.)) Others still object to the use of psychological terms such as “depression” or the more conversational phrase “post-larp blues,” preferring to refer to the phenomenon as “post-larp” to avoid the connotations of mental dysfunction.((Søren Ebbehøj, “The Great Player Safety Mess,” Presentation at Knutpunkt 2014: Sharpening the Cutting Edge, Gullbrannagården, Sweden, April 4, 2014.)) Responses to intense game events can vary and no one strategy works for all people. The most important point remains, however: the effects of larp on the players are often too significant to ignore, as are the impact of the techniques outlined here.

    Featured image borrowed from Liqueur Felix @Flickr.